Hard time

I just got back from my yum char session with boyfie and kit. As usual, they will be talking about car-related stuff but this time is a lil' different than usual. They are talking about Bill Gates and whatever possessions that he has. What the fuck are you trying to figure out how much he would spend in one day and trying to calculate how much one day a person can burn his money?Does that really matters to you? If it is, then go ahead with it and figure out. Waste more time on it then. Why don't you use the time to think and figure out how much should you earn in a year?Isn't that more beneficial?

All these made me think back, instead of figuring out people's matter, can you actually fulfill my wishes and your promises? I do not want to state what promises you made and it clearly shows that you are not fulfilling it yet. Even it is after years promises had been made. Renewals have been done several times and the foolish me accept it and thought you would really able to surprise me and looks like again I am being disappointed. 

I may not need you to get me something big or expensive. Would a short trip with me really that time consuming?And everytime I made a request to have a short trip, it's either you would say you can't take long holidays or you are out of budget. I'm seriously sick of all those reasons. Can you give me better reasons in the future?

There are several times before that I am really not satisfied with you and everytime I try to comfort myself by thinking on your shoes. You are great, man. You never fail to make me cry everytime I think about what you had done for me throughout these years. It's very sad to tell my love story out. 

I do not blame you if you said you can't have trip with me because I'm still schooling but I am already grown up  now, I'm in the uni and you are working. What is it so hard to go for a trip? Out of budget all the time? Can't take holidays? The company won't be able to function without you? Tell me about it.

You promised me to get me a smartphone. I did not request for it. When you popped the question up, I am really happy that you offered me. I did felt happy. You postpone it for the first time, and I believe you that you will be able to make it the next time. Is alright for me at that time until you renewed you promise that God knows how many times of it and yet promise remains as a promise. I felt very disappointed until the extend of forgetting about the promise you made and go on with my life. And then you ignite it back and gave me a new choice between two models. And again, I am fucking happy and I really believe that my dream will come true soon. At first, I really thought I do not want to burden you with the amount and you tell me it is fine because you already promised earlier and you have allocated money for it. It's new year already and I thought my dream of having a smartphone become reality until the day I texted you my choice of phone. You replied you are out of budget again. Then what the fuck are you promising me earlier? Is that how you treat me? Playing roller-coaster is it?Was is it fun to you?

I do not expect returns from you but truly deeply thinking back how did we celebrated our anniversaries together?Birthdays?Occasions? I really did not expect much from you but at least, a fucking at least, wishes me sincerely and show me that you really care and love me.A card at least or perhaps spend more quality time with me!!Instead of just meet up and at most movie and dinner and then we are back home. What the fuck!!! I need more than that. All that are plain stupid alright? I am not saying that you are not good but would it harm you if you show me more love and care so that I can feel that I am being appreciated? Love and care don't need money to buy, all you got to do is show me with your sincere heart. I am just another simple girl who loves to be pampered and showered with love and gifts.

You have been working for quite some time and I did not interupt your job problems because I know you can handle them. You mentioned about how you don't like your job and what the fuck are you still there for?And years of working you don't have budget for short trip?And what the fuck are you being a hero for purchasing the Regza in your fucking room? As if you are fucking free at night and would stay home to watch it. 

I think on your shoes all the time and would you think for me for once??