Random Thoughts

I have many random thoughts in my mind now. And of course, I still have a lot of unsettled business to deal with my assignments. I had two movies in a day, The Devil's Inside and The Descendant. Both were pretty good I would say. Last Friday, I completed my MCP with Wanted Production. We had a short meet up today to watch the final output of the talkshow. Some shots could be better if we were given more chance to practise. Nothing is perfect right? I had to juggle with quite a number of tasks that need me to complete asap. But then, I don't always do things that is out of my emotions and feelings. I don't feel like doing it then I don't.

I may have changed if you actually noticed that. Somehow or rather I tend to be more relaxed and slacking I would say. I am no longer the person who always pushes myself to the hardest, I'm now more chilling and more to result-oriented person rather than just process-oriented. I seriously don't know whether the word actually exists or not but fcked it. I am not gonna care so much because that is not main point here.

Previously, I felt that I'm too organised and a perfectionist. I want things to go in a perfect manner with all the strengths that I have in me. I need this, I expected it to be this way, I want this and the list just goes on and on. But now, I guess I am more laid back. I do not know it is a good thing or not but I seriously hope it turns out good.

I do not know what goes wrong in me. But I would like to say that I do agree with Ryan's post "Life is too short to live in sadness, i dont know who created me but i thank him for giving me this ability to forget faster than anyone. Sometimes, all we just need is a shoulder to lean on and a person who stood aside you when the sky is falling. If we couldn't expect whats coming tomorrow then why worried? Who knows tomorrow could be the end of the world. Nothing goes along with you. Its only you and your memories. So leave little time to be upset."

After reading it, something strucked me. I am not pretty sure what it was. Or maybe I know what it is, it's just that I do not know how to put things in words. This is where all the random thoughts came into mind. There are alot of things running through my head now and I wish my brain cells could intepret them for me and tell me what am I thinking about now.

I really wanted to know what is happening in me. I realise that I have alot of 'but' in my blog posts. This means that I'm forever contradicting myself. I guess this is not a good sign at all. I am not having my own stand on matters that I  should solved them by myself. I do not know where I should turn to for my problems. I need someone who could understand me and let me express my feelings whenever I need it. Perhaps I don't need someone to understand me but a person who could really has the patience to sit and listen to me and provide me advises. I have a few for now but I just couldn't talk about certain matters and the details about it because I afraid it's gona ruin someone's life and brings no benefit at all.

I am suppose to finish up my 'Kebaya Tales' by now but I decided that I want to put that aside despite all the other assignments are pilling up to my chin. I seriously do now know what is going on with my mind right now. Is it because of you? How has it started? I wonder a lot.

Did I take the wrong step at first? And this is why I'm kinda fcked up now. What would happen if I don't know you 7 years before? Definitely everything won't be the same anymore. I may not be who I am now. Not to say that I'm very proud of myself but you make me to be a wiser me though I may picked the wrong choice at times.

Let's fast forward a little now. A few of you came to my life other than the main one. 1 was seriously mind fucked, I guess it's because you are the first one. You did make an impact in my life but now I don't bother about it at all because I have put you aside and I go on with my life. You did quite well too. And now we are only friends. Full stop. 2 was nothing at all. 3 was nothing at all except for the rush that you made me to hate you. No impact and nothing.

4 was my random decision. My fault for the cause but I'm glad that it's over. To you who might be reading this, go fcked yourself. You do know that it won't be long and nothing fancy about it. But you are expecting so much from me that I started to hate it. You wouldn't know how much I hated it when it comes to certain matters. Learn how to read minds, dude! I told you I'm busy means I am really busy. You do know where you stand but you just  take things too serious. And never control me. You just had to take this step wrongly. Why do you have to call me so many times when I'm in club?Personal space.hello? Don't you get it? Anyway, it's over. I don't mind if you unfriend me because I find it a very childish action sadly to say. Grow up kiddo! Reason is because I act cold and I act strange so you find it meaningless to be friend with?  What a joke, man!

5 was really random and I really never expect it to come. Seriously. The best part is you beat them all flat. Ok. I am not proud about this at all. Friends said they saw it coming, maybe I am just too blinded and only realised it when it was really obvious. Anyway, no progress after that. We decided to be good friends. I agreed about that too. Thank you youuu for the decision otherwise it will end up terribly and akwardly. Thank you again for the quick move. : ) No hard feelings at all which is good. It's very nice to talk to you. Somehow, I feel that our maturity level is similar that's why I feel comfortable to talk anything with you.

Memories will always be memories. I only keep good ones with me. Meaningless memories I apologise, no ROM to store you in my mind. It's only RAM.

Ok. What am I blabering here?Hmmm...So, leave little time to be upset. It's time to switch back to reality.