Today was extremely exhausted and drained out. But thank God that I managed to grab some nap just now in the evening before waking up agin to continue my assignments. One submission was striked out and 2 more to go for this week. They are due on the same day which is this coming Friday. FML. This Saturday gona be another replacement class, Comm Law which we were warned not to skip it. So I guessed I have no way out and I got to put my ass quietly in the class.
I totally forgotten that I have Comm Law tutorial today. How clumsy I can be?Perhaps I am really tired the night before rushing ME assignment and still got to drive back home at 1am. Driving really drained out my energy too. How can you don't appreciate drivers? I am now. Nothing much happened lately except that no changes in the relationship. What I meant here is like everything was really normal and is as usual as before. I really wonder what will happen if really lost touch with him. Will I be able to cope with it?
In the mean time, HE have not fail to distract me. I do not know why, like seriously. I guess the impact was really too great to handle. I did tried not to think anything but he just has to come into the picture and again I got distracted. Why would you do this to me? I shall blame myself for being too easily distracted. Enough for the randomness today. I shall return to reality.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Mistake which I regretted
I guess it would be better if I just keep things inside me without telling you anything. I kind of regret for sharing my stories with you. Instead of defending it for me in front of other people, you went to make things worse. I do not know whether you are intentionally or not but I guess I really learnt a lesson here. Please do not blame me for not sharing things with you. It's just that I have lost trust in you. I really thought my story will be safe with you but then shit happens.
How could you treat me like that? I do not know why I should be treated in this way. I told you that we are now back to friends and there wouldn't be anything between us anymore. Why wouldn't you believe my words? It hurts that you are not helping at all. I almost cried the moment I talked about how I do not like the way you handle the situation but I taken my tears back because I thought I should give you another chance for it. But thinking back, this is not the first time you did that to me. I've learnt my lesson here.
How could you treat me like that? I do not know why I should be treated in this way. I told you that we are now back to friends and there wouldn't be anything between us anymore. Why wouldn't you believe my words? It hurts that you are not helping at all. I almost cried the moment I talked about how I do not like the way you handle the situation but I taken my tears back because I thought I should give you another chance for it. But thinking back, this is not the first time you did that to me. I've learnt my lesson here.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Random Thoughts
I have many random thoughts in my mind now. And of course, I still have a lot of unsettled business to deal with my assignments. I had two movies in a day, The Devil's Inside and The Descendant. Both were pretty good I would say. Last Friday, I completed my MCP with Wanted Production. We had a short meet up today to watch the final output of the talkshow. Some shots could be better if we were given more chance to practise. Nothing is perfect right? I had to juggle with quite a number of tasks that need me to complete asap. But then, I don't always do things that is out of my emotions and feelings. I don't feel like doing it then I don't.
I may have changed if you actually noticed that. Somehow or rather I tend to be more relaxed and slacking I would say. I am no longer the person who always pushes myself to the hardest, I'm now more chilling and more to result-oriented person rather than just process-oriented. I seriously don't know whether the word actually exists or not but fcked it. I am not gonna care so much because that is not main point here.
Previously, I felt that I'm too organised and a perfectionist. I want things to go in a perfect manner with all the strengths that I have in me. I need this, I expected it to be this way, I want this and the list just goes on and on. But now, I guess I am more laid back. I do not know it is a good thing or not but I seriously hope it turns out good.
I do not know what goes wrong in me. But I would like to say that I do agree with Ryan's post "Life is too short to live in sadness, i dont know who created me but i thank him for giving me this ability to forget faster than anyone. Sometimes, all we just need is a shoulder to lean on and a person who stood aside you when the sky is falling. If we couldn't expect whats coming tomorrow then why worried? Who knows tomorrow could be the end of the world. Nothing goes along with you. Its only you and your memories. So leave little time to be upset."
After reading it, something strucked me. I am not pretty sure what it was. Or maybe I know what it is, it's just that I do not know how to put things in words. This is where all the random thoughts came into mind. There are alot of things running through my head now and I wish my brain cells could intepret them for me and tell me what am I thinking about now.
I really wanted to know what is happening in me. I realise that I have alot of 'but' in my blog posts. This means that I'm forever contradicting myself. I guess this is not a good sign at all. I am not having my own stand on matters that I should solved them by myself. I do not know where I should turn to for my problems. I need someone who could understand me and let me express my feelings whenever I need it. Perhaps I don't need someone to understand me but a person who could really has the patience to sit and listen to me and provide me advises. I have a few for now but I just couldn't talk about certain matters and the details about it because I afraid it's gona ruin someone's life and brings no benefit at all.
I am suppose to finish up my 'Kebaya Tales' by now but I decided that I want to put that aside despite all the other assignments are pilling up to my chin. I seriously do now know what is going on with my mind right now. Is it because of you? How has it started? I wonder a lot.
Did I take the wrong step at first? And this is why I'm kinda fcked up now. What would happen if I don't know you 7 years before? Definitely everything won't be the same anymore. I may not be who I am now. Not to say that I'm very proud of myself but you make me to be a wiser me though I may picked the wrong choice at times.
Let's fast forward a little now. A few of you came to my life other than the main one. 1 was seriously mind fucked, I guess it's because you are the first one. You did make an impact in my life but now I don't bother about it at all because I have put you aside and I go on with my life. You did quite well too. And now we are only friends. Full stop. 2 was nothing at all. 3 was nothing at all except for the rush that you made me to hate you. No impact and nothing.
4 was my random decision. My fault for the cause but I'm glad that it's over. To you who might be reading this, go fcked yourself. You do know that it won't be long and nothing fancy about it. But you are expecting so much from me that I started to hate it. You wouldn't know how much I hated it when it comes to certain matters. Learn how to read minds, dude! I told you I'm busy means I am really busy. You do know where you stand but you just take things too serious. And never control me. You just had to take this step wrongly. Why do you have to call me so many times when I'm in club?Personal space.hello? Don't you get it? Anyway, it's over. I don't mind if you unfriend me because I find it a very childish action sadly to say. Grow up kiddo! Reason is because I act cold and I act strange so you find it meaningless to be friend with? What a joke, man!
5 was really random and I really never expect it to come. Seriously. The best part is you beat them all flat. Ok. I am not proud about this at all. Friends said they saw it coming, maybe I am just too blinded and only realised it when it was really obvious. Anyway, no progress after that. We decided to be good friends. I agreed about that too. Thank you youuu for the decision otherwise it will end up terribly and akwardly. Thank you again for the quick move. : ) No hard feelings at all which is good. It's very nice to talk to you. Somehow, I feel that our maturity level is similar that's why I feel comfortable to talk anything with you.
Memories will always be memories. I only keep good ones with me. Meaningless memories I apologise, no ROM to store you in my mind. It's only RAM.
Ok. What am I blabering here?Hmmm...So, leave little time to be upset. It's time to switch back to reality.
I may have changed if you actually noticed that. Somehow or rather I tend to be more relaxed and slacking I would say. I am no longer the person who always pushes myself to the hardest, I'm now more chilling and more to result-oriented person rather than just process-oriented. I seriously don't know whether the word actually exists or not but fcked it. I am not gonna care so much because that is not main point here.
Previously, I felt that I'm too organised and a perfectionist. I want things to go in a perfect manner with all the strengths that I have in me. I need this, I expected it to be this way, I want this and the list just goes on and on. But now, I guess I am more laid back. I do not know it is a good thing or not but I seriously hope it turns out good.
I do not know what goes wrong in me. But I would like to say that I do agree with Ryan's post "Life is too short to live in sadness, i dont know who created me but i thank him for giving me this ability to forget faster than anyone. Sometimes, all we just need is a shoulder to lean on and a person who stood aside you when the sky is falling. If we couldn't expect whats coming tomorrow then why worried? Who knows tomorrow could be the end of the world. Nothing goes along with you. Its only you and your memories. So leave little time to be upset."
After reading it, something strucked me. I am not pretty sure what it was. Or maybe I know what it is, it's just that I do not know how to put things in words. This is where all the random thoughts came into mind. There are alot of things running through my head now and I wish my brain cells could intepret them for me and tell me what am I thinking about now.
I really wanted to know what is happening in me. I realise that I have alot of 'but' in my blog posts. This means that I'm forever contradicting myself. I guess this is not a good sign at all. I am not having my own stand on matters that I should solved them by myself. I do not know where I should turn to for my problems. I need someone who could understand me and let me express my feelings whenever I need it. Perhaps I don't need someone to understand me but a person who could really has the patience to sit and listen to me and provide me advises. I have a few for now but I just couldn't talk about certain matters and the details about it because I afraid it's gona ruin someone's life and brings no benefit at all.
I am suppose to finish up my 'Kebaya Tales' by now but I decided that I want to put that aside despite all the other assignments are pilling up to my chin. I seriously do now know what is going on with my mind right now. Is it because of you? How has it started? I wonder a lot.
Did I take the wrong step at first? And this is why I'm kinda fcked up now. What would happen if I don't know you 7 years before? Definitely everything won't be the same anymore. I may not be who I am now. Not to say that I'm very proud of myself but you make me to be a wiser me though I may picked the wrong choice at times.
Let's fast forward a little now. A few of you came to my life other than the main one. 1 was seriously mind fucked, I guess it's because you are the first one. You did make an impact in my life but now I don't bother about it at all because I have put you aside and I go on with my life. You did quite well too. And now we are only friends. Full stop. 2 was nothing at all. 3 was nothing at all except for the rush that you made me to hate you. No impact and nothing.
4 was my random decision. My fault for the cause but I'm glad that it's over. To you who might be reading this, go fcked yourself. You do know that it won't be long and nothing fancy about it. But you are expecting so much from me that I started to hate it. You wouldn't know how much I hated it when it comes to certain matters. Learn how to read minds, dude! I told you I'm busy means I am really busy. You do know where you stand but you just take things too serious. And never control me. You just had to take this step wrongly. Why do you have to call me so many times when I'm in club?Personal space.hello? Don't you get it? Anyway, it's over. I don't mind if you unfriend me because I find it a very childish action sadly to say. Grow up kiddo! Reason is because I act cold and I act strange so you find it meaningless to be friend with? What a joke, man!
5 was really random and I really never expect it to come. Seriously. The best part is you beat them all flat. Ok. I am not proud about this at all. Friends said they saw it coming, maybe I am just too blinded and only realised it when it was really obvious. Anyway, no progress after that. We decided to be good friends. I agreed about that too. Thank you youuu for the decision otherwise it will end up terribly and akwardly. Thank you again for the quick move. : ) No hard feelings at all which is good. It's very nice to talk to you. Somehow, I feel that our maturity level is similar that's why I feel comfortable to talk anything with you.
Memories will always be memories. I only keep good ones with me. Meaningless memories I apologise, no ROM to store you in my mind. It's only RAM.
Ok. What am I blabering here?Hmmm...So, leave little time to be upset. It's time to switch back to reality.
Monday, March 5, 2012
What is next?
Well, it's just the fourth day of March and I would say good things have not really come into me. If you follow me on Facebook posts, perhaps you would somehow or rather know that I'm kinda in 'sui' days recently. It started before the new year which is around Xmas. Remember I lost my voice during HN emcee job?It took me quite some time to regain my voice but not fully 100%. It's ok. At least I can talk back. God knows how many times I fall sick these few months.
I'm still coughing right now since the past 2 weeks. I had a fever last night. I was so worried that something might happen on me. I never know kan?Maybe some don't know what disease or illness I got. Thumbdrive died-ed on me last Thursday. I was so happy that I can finally finish my script to send it to Suven then it cannot be detected after I removed it. Darn!!!So pissed off and sad at the same time. I tried on other computers as well, but no feeling man! No response also! Which means, all the thing is erased! I cried the other day, I don't usually cry but I really cried this time. Everyone was suprised. Opppssss...so sorry for being too emotional suddenly. I guess I am really too tired.
So how?Got to type back it lo what else? Sitting at one corner trying to think back what I wrote earlier on. It may not be totally the same but at least got 80% same la. *pat on the shoulder*. That happened on the weekday. I was supposed to go swimming today at Rachel's condo but some asshole went to shit in the pool. Like 4 of it. I do not know why that asshole went to shit in the pool. I can only manage to dip in for about 30 minutes. So potong steam! Thank God I had an awesome dinner before another big shit happened on me. Dinner was good!Should go back there and try other dishes but it is always full and queue-ing. LOL.
The big shit was Rachel's SLK as in her small little kelisa died-ed on me after I went shopping in Carrefour. The little mini cannot be start and I had to call Lorraine to pick me and SY home because we bought ice-cream earlier on. Then John picked me up from home to meet the little mini. Jump-ed start then it's alive. But wasn't for long. So I had to quickly drove back home without headlights on or whatsoever light. Too weak to let me on the lights. Very good experience in driving without headlights on! Heart was literally pounding in and out. Just too afraid that I would meet some very 'good' police officers and ask for yum cha money.
God is gracious! I reached home then SLK died-ed on me again. Well, at least, me and her are safely home. John was tailing at the back actually just in case I need another jump start. I need to fork out few hundreds for the repair!Arghhh...
God, please be kind to me. I don't need bad days anymore. All I wish now is to have happy days ahead. *fingers crossed*
I'm still coughing right now since the past 2 weeks. I had a fever last night. I was so worried that something might happen on me. I never know kan?Maybe some don't know what disease or illness I got. Thumbdrive died-ed on me last Thursday. I was so happy that I can finally finish my script to send it to Suven then it cannot be detected after I removed it. Darn!!!So pissed off and sad at the same time. I tried on other computers as well, but no feeling man! No response also! Which means, all the thing is erased! I cried the other day, I don't usually cry but I really cried this time. Everyone was suprised. Opppssss...so sorry for being too emotional suddenly. I guess I am really too tired.
So how?Got to type back it lo what else? Sitting at one corner trying to think back what I wrote earlier on. It may not be totally the same but at least got 80% same la. *pat on the shoulder*. That happened on the weekday. I was supposed to go swimming today at Rachel's condo but some asshole went to shit in the pool. Like 4 of it. I do not know why that asshole went to shit in the pool. I can only manage to dip in for about 30 minutes. So potong steam! Thank God I had an awesome dinner before another big shit happened on me. Dinner was good!Should go back there and try other dishes but it is always full and queue-ing. LOL.
The big shit was Rachel's SLK as in her small little kelisa died-ed on me after I went shopping in Carrefour. The little mini cannot be start and I had to call Lorraine to pick me and SY home because we bought ice-cream earlier on. Then John picked me up from home to meet the little mini. Jump-ed start then it's alive. But wasn't for long. So I had to quickly drove back home without headlights on or whatsoever light. Too weak to let me on the lights. Very good experience in driving without headlights on! Heart was literally pounding in and out. Just too afraid that I would meet some very 'good' police officers and ask for yum cha money.
God is gracious! I reached home then SLK died-ed on me again. Well, at least, me and her are safely home. John was tailing at the back actually just in case I need another jump start. I need to fork out few hundreds for the repair!Arghhh...
God, please be kind to me. I don't need bad days anymore. All I wish now is to have happy days ahead. *fingers crossed*
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