I am not okay

To do list is mounting high again. Yes! Again and again. I know that I should use my blogging time for some other purpose but I think I really need a place to pour out my feelings.

On Monday, it will mark the fourth week of my semester but I still don't feel satisfied with myself. I do not know what is happening to me. It seems like everything has changed alot even my brain changed. I hardly get any ideas for assignment topics and seriously I am not in a good state of mind. My brain got jam somewhere inside and I could not figure out anything better. What I gave for my excuse is "I am still in my holiday mood". I know it sounded very ridiculous and childish simply because I did not had a proper holiday during my last semester break. So how can I still in holiday mood right?

I seriously do not know what had happened to me recently. I have no inspirations at all, not even for a simple topic for English for Mass Comm's class. I just kept quiet in class, sitting at the far corner of the class hearing what Mr David talked. I told myself to come up with more topics and email to him if I could. But end up I did nothing.Nothing. And I forgot about it. 

Radio broadcasting class is very new to me. Especially the gadgets thingy. I knew nothing about them. I saw other friends handling it well. Not for me. Mr Maken asked me "Are you okay?" and I replied I am okay.But deep in my heart I am not okay at all. Everything is very new to me and I am so afraid that I could not handle it well. Assignments are pilling up. Scripts to write and recording to be done. Yet, I am here typing all these. 

I admit that Mr Satar is an awesome lecturer. He expected us to be very informative in current news no matter national or international news so that we could quote examples to what we learn. And here, I am afraid again that I could not meet his expectations. 24 hours is not enough for me. I wish to have longer time for me to use.

Psychology is a subject which has a lot of reading to do. I do not like reading but I still have to do it. It is mainly about biology and my weakness come floating to me and haunt me again.

I am not sure whether I am able to do it and am I strong enough to go through it.I am not sure. Its getting tougher and tougher and I really need the strength for me to continue my journey. As usual, there are always something to pull your confidence down. And I think the stress is taking over my confidence. I guess I worried too much.