Random Thoughts

I have many random thoughts in my mind now. And of course, I still have a lot of unsettled business to deal with my assignments. I had two movies in a day, The Devil's Inside and The Descendant. Both were pretty good I would say. Last Friday, I completed my MCP with Wanted Production. We had a short meet up today to watch the final output of the talkshow. Some shots could be better if we were given more chance to practise. Nothing is perfect right? I had to juggle with quite a number of tasks that need me to complete asap. But then, I don't always do things that is out of my emotions and feelings. I don't feel like doing it then I don't.

I may have changed if you actually noticed that. Somehow or rather I tend to be more relaxed and slacking I would say. I am no longer the person who always pushes myself to the hardest, I'm now more chilling and more to result-oriented person rather than just process-oriented. I seriously don't know whether the word actually exists or not but fcked it. I am not gonna care so much because that is not main point here.

Previously, I felt that I'm too organised and a perfectionist. I want things to go in a perfect manner with all the strengths that I have in me. I need this, I expected it to be this way, I want this and the list just goes on and on. But now, I guess I am more laid back. I do not know it is a good thing or not but I seriously hope it turns out good.

I do not know what goes wrong in me. But I would like to say that I do agree with Ryan's post "Life is too short to live in sadness, i dont know who created me but i thank him for giving me this ability to forget faster than anyone. Sometimes, all we just need is a shoulder to lean on and a person who stood aside you when the sky is falling. If we couldn't expect whats coming tomorrow then why worried? Who knows tomorrow could be the end of the world. Nothing goes along with you. Its only you and your memories. So leave little time to be upset."

After reading it, something strucked me. I am not pretty sure what it was. Or maybe I know what it is, it's just that I do not know how to put things in words. This is where all the random thoughts came into mind. There are alot of things running through my head now and I wish my brain cells could intepret them for me and tell me what am I thinking about now.

I really wanted to know what is happening in me. I realise that I have alot of 'but' in my blog posts. This means that I'm forever contradicting myself. I guess this is not a good sign at all. I am not having my own stand on matters that I  should solved them by myself. I do not know where I should turn to for my problems. I need someone who could understand me and let me express my feelings whenever I need it. Perhaps I don't need someone to understand me but a person who could really has the patience to sit and listen to me and provide me advises. I have a few for now but I just couldn't talk about certain matters and the details about it because I afraid it's gona ruin someone's life and brings no benefit at all.

I am suppose to finish up my 'Kebaya Tales' by now but I decided that I want to put that aside despite all the other assignments are pilling up to my chin. I seriously do now know what is going on with my mind right now. Is it because of you? How has it started? I wonder a lot.

Did I take the wrong step at first? And this is why I'm kinda fcked up now. What would happen if I don't know you 7 years before? Definitely everything won't be the same anymore. I may not be who I am now. Not to say that I'm very proud of myself but you make me to be a wiser me though I may picked the wrong choice at times.

Let's fast forward a little now. A few of you came to my life other than the main one. 1 was seriously mind fucked, I guess it's because you are the first one. You did make an impact in my life but now I don't bother about it at all because I have put you aside and I go on with my life. You did quite well too. And now we are only friends. Full stop. 2 was nothing at all. 3 was nothing at all except for the rush that you made me to hate you. No impact and nothing.

4 was my random decision. My fault for the cause but I'm glad that it's over. To you who might be reading this, go fcked yourself. You do know that it won't be long and nothing fancy about it. But you are expecting so much from me that I started to hate it. You wouldn't know how much I hated it when it comes to certain matters. Learn how to read minds, dude! I told you I'm busy means I am really busy. You do know where you stand but you just  take things too serious. And never control me. You just had to take this step wrongly. Why do you have to call me so many times when I'm in club?Personal space.hello? Don't you get it? Anyway, it's over. I don't mind if you unfriend me because I find it a very childish action sadly to say. Grow up kiddo! Reason is because I act cold and I act strange so you find it meaningless to be friend with?  What a joke, man!

5 was really random and I really never expect it to come. Seriously. The best part is you beat them all flat. Ok. I am not proud about this at all. Friends said they saw it coming, maybe I am just too blinded and only realised it when it was really obvious. Anyway, no progress after that. We decided to be good friends. I agreed about that too. Thank you youuu for the decision otherwise it will end up terribly and akwardly. Thank you again for the quick move. : ) No hard feelings at all which is good. It's very nice to talk to you. Somehow, I feel that our maturity level is similar that's why I feel comfortable to talk anything with you.

Memories will always be memories. I only keep good ones with me. Meaningless memories I apologise, no ROM to store you in my mind. It's only RAM.

Ok. What am I blabering here?Hmmm...So, leave little time to be upset. It's time to switch back to reality.

What is next?

Well, it's just the fourth day of March and I would say good things have not really come into me. If you follow me on Facebook posts, perhaps you would somehow or rather know that I'm kinda in 'sui' days recently. It started before the new year which is around Xmas. Remember I lost my voice during HN emcee job?It took me quite some time to regain my voice but not fully 100%. It's ok. At least I can talk back. God knows how many times I fall sick these few months.

I'm still coughing right now since the past 2 weeks. I had a fever last night. I was so worried that something might happen on me. I never know kan?Maybe some don't know what disease or illness I got. Thumbdrive died-ed on me last Thursday. I was so happy that I can finally finish my script to send it to Suven then it cannot be detected after I removed it. Darn!!!So pissed off and sad at the same time. I tried on other computers as well, but no feeling man! No response also! Which means, all the thing is erased! I cried the other day, I don't usually cry but I really cried this time. Everyone was suprised. Opppssss...so sorry for being too emotional suddenly. I guess I am really too tired.

So how?Got to type back it lo what else? Sitting at one corner trying to think back what I wrote earlier on. It may not be totally the same but at least got 80% same la. *pat on the shoulder*. That happened on the weekday. I was supposed to go swimming today at Rachel's condo but some asshole went to shit in the pool. Like 4 of it. I do not know why that asshole went to shit in the pool. I can only manage to dip in for about 30 minutes. So potong steam! Thank God I had an awesome dinner before another big shit happened on me. Dinner was good!Should go back there and try other dishes but it is always full and queue-ing. LOL.

The big shit was Rachel's SLK as in her small little kelisa died-ed on me after I went shopping in Carrefour. The little mini cannot be start and I had to call Lorraine to pick me and SY home because we bought ice-cream earlier on. Then John picked me up from home to meet the little mini. Jump-ed start then it's alive. But wasn't for long. So I had to quickly drove back home without headlights on or whatsoever light. Too weak to let me on the lights. Very good experience in driving without headlights on! Heart was literally pounding in and out. Just too afraid that I would meet some very 'good' police officers and ask for yum cha money.

God is gracious! I reached home then SLK died-ed on me again. Well, at least, me and her are safely home. John was tailing at the back actually just in case I need another jump start. I need to fork out few hundreds for the repair!Arghhh...

God, please be kind to me. I don't need bad days anymore. All I wish now is to have happy days ahead. *fingers crossed*

Me, Myself and I

I do not know how to start my story. I know it's been sometime since I last scribbled on the blog. I have too much things to think and consider about. Probably it's just me who think too much and only just think about it and not how to solve things up. Well, apart from all the endless assignments which I am having right now I do have other relationship matters to think about. I am having a persuasive speeh this coming Wednesday yet I have not prepare anything for it yet. I am  suppose to checked my to-do list by tonight but I decided to spare some time for myself to blog because I think I should pour things out here rather than just sharing things around with my besties.

So, first and foremost, I finally got my Samsung Galaxy Note from John. Yay! It's about 2 weeks old now. It's white in colour with a red pouch. I'll try to upload some pictures when I am really free. Secondly, I requested for a temporary break with John after 7 years of relationship. I know you will definitely ask me why and why after 7 years. I guess I started the relationship wayyyy tooo early and I think differently back then. I guess I am too naive too believe that having him is like having the world. All I need is him to be with me and everything will be just fine. Call me naive then. He did asked me about the same thing few years back but I rejected him and said I could not do it. So we didn't. And after I asked him for it, he told me that he could sense this coming one day, it's just that he do not know when. So the question came on last Friday.

At first, he was in a bad mood. Things just changed drastically and the night itself, he changed his relationship status and posted up a new post on his wall. Of course, I was a lil' intimidated with his move and I was disturbed by it because we decided to officially start after our 7th anniversary. And how could he just changed like that? I decided to call him up and just to clear things off because I do not want him to be emotional and sad.

Smartly enough he could guessed my main objective of the temporary breakup. And of course I do have others but I just did not tell him so much about it. One of it is because I really want both of us to upgrade ourselves and do what we always wanted to do without putting each other as priority. He might not put me as priority in career wise but I guess it happens on me. So I think it applies to me more. Another thing is about me as well. I need to find out do I really into him or just plain too used to it. I know this might be very cruel to him because we've been 7 years together and suddenly I thought about that.

I guess it's a right choice to take this move. To be a wiser me and really consider what I enjoy and like and all about myself. I hope I can do it. To adapt to this sudden change I need more time to put things aside and only care about myself. It's time to be me, myself and I.

Gong Xi Gong Xi!!

Hello!!

First of all...Happy Chinese New Year!

May everyone have a great dragon year ahead blessed with health, happiness and wealth!!

Today is the first day of Chinese New Year and endless of wishes and messages are being sent to almost everyone I knew

I'm glad that I am part of it *wink wink*

Well, sadly I am still in KL and most of my friends are in their respective hometowns already

And they are sharing their stories with me right now about how the kampung mood that they are having

Make me felt so jealous right now

Because I am seriously desperately in need of a kampung feel that can enhance my CNY mood

Well, it only happens once in a year right?

I just can't wait to go back to Kampar tomorrow!!

I know this may be the first time ever that I said that

I hope it's not too late for that

Because I'm so sick of being a KL girl and yet I know nothing about Chinese traditions

And most important, celebrate Chinese New Year like a true Chinese.

All I had for the past years were just simplified versions of it

And if I were given an opportunity, I would like to celebrate for at least once in a true festive mood and more CNY mood and more CNY environment.

Please help me to make my dream come true!

Anyway, received 2 big angpows from the parents just now.

When the clock struck 12am, I quickly ran down to wish my parents "Gong Hei Fatt Choi" 

and gave them a big hug

And there goes my angpow on my hands..Teehhee...

Will post pictures when I have my whole collections of it XD

Will be slightly busy during the day time

Will try to update more on the blog when I have time

Gong Hei Fatt Choi!!

Lots of love,

Mandy

Final Chapter

16th Jan 2012 marked the first day of my final semester in UTAR Broadcasting

As usual, assignments will bombard-ed straight right to our faces

5 last subjects  to kill and then I will graduate in the middle of the year

Since it's CNY and it's the first week of the semester, usually all tutorials won't be held

So, I am pretty free I would say

Classes starts as early as 8 am and I would be able to finish my classes around noon

Except for certain days which I will have class until 4.30pm

Say Goodbye to clear highways and hello to traffic jams!

Assignments are getting tougher but unfortunately, I do not have the full focus to start off with the assignments

Shall not mention about starting them

I don't feel like reading the instructions

I am superbly lazy..GOSH!!

Heading off to Pyramid tomorrow for a movie date with a friend

Hopefully after that I will be hardworking back and start off my research

Because the subjects are tough to score

Got to put more effort in it!

Got to go now..Will be back for more updates : )